New Swingers FAQ's


1) Is it common for a male to have stage-fright (no erection) in swinging activities?

Answer: Yes, this is very common. This is not something anyone should be embarrassed about; the male is just experiencing some performance anxiety. It all comes down to the male’s comfort zone. Sometimes the hormone levels are there, but the brain gets in the way. This could also be caused by a phobia (i.e., getting nude in front of another male). The best method for overcoming this issue is continual communication and reassurance from your partner. If problems still occur the male might want to think about taking a VIAGRA® or a similar type product (consult your physician before taking this type of medication).

2) Should couples set boundaries and/or rules prior to having a swinging encounter?

Answer: Yes, it is a good idea for couples to set some kind of boundaries/rules. This will ensure a fun time is had by all involved. Through time these rules might change, but that’s ok, this just means that you are growing as a couple. One of the biggest things to remember is communication with your spouse/partner and other swingers. Boundaries are something that is held to the highest standard in the swinging community.

It is also common for a new couple to ask, “What type of boundaries/rules should we set?” Each couple is different, for what might be considered ok by one couple, might not be ok for another. This is why communication is very important. Each couple should make a list of do’s and don’ts then sit down and talk about them. Also, it is not wise to set a lot of rules for one spouse/partner and not the other; this creates an unbalanced equation. Over time the spouse/partner with all the rules set on them will start to feel like the “third-wheel.” Meaning, they see their spouse/partner doing things they are not allowed to do, and this will create some jealousy. So, the best thing to do, if boundaries/rules are going to be set, is to make sure they are 50/50.


3) Is safe-sex a common practice in the swinging lifestyle?

Answer: Yes, but no. It is about 50/50 with the use of condoms. Some swingers never play without using condoms. On the other hand, some people (male and female alike) have allergic reactions to Latex (or other materials) preventing the use of condoms. This is something that needs to be talked about (with all involved) before any swinging occurs, thus avoiding an awkward situation.


4) How do my partner and I get started in the lifestyle?

Answer: Assuming that you and your spouse/partner have talked about this and you are both ready (emotionally and physically) to take part in the lifestyle. Always remember swinging is meant to enhance your relationship; not take the place of one.
There are numerous ways to get started in the lifestyle: On-line swinger ads, clubs, swinger chat rooms, outings, house parties, swinging social gatherings. The two most common are on-line ads and clubs. NASCA.com is a great site for finding swinger clubs in your area.


5) What about my job? Am I putting it at risk by swinging?

Answer: No. Under the Federal Laws Prohibiting Job Discrimination § 2302(b), employers may not: “(10) discriminate based on personal conduct which is not adverse to the on-the-job performance of an employee, applicant, or others.” Any individual who believes that his or her employment rights have been violated may file a charge of discrimination with EEOC. Who is not protected by this law: the Central Intelligence Agency, Defense Intelligence Agency, National Security Agency, and certain other intelligence agencies excluded by the President; the General Accounting Office; the Federal Bureau of Investigation; the U.S. Postal Service (except for nepotism allegations); and the Postal Rate Commission.

If a person is worried about their employer finding out about their swinging lifestyle, they should choose to partake in swinging activities outside of their own community.


6) Are all swingers bisexual?

Answer: No. Even though there are a lot of bisexual swingers, not all are. For the most part, the majority of female swingers are bisexual, and the majority of men are not. In swinging, there are many types of couples. You will find couples where both people are straight, both are bi, the female is bi and the male is straight, and/or the male is bi and the female is straight. That is what makes this lifestyle so great; the diversity of it.

7) What are on and off premise clubs?

Answer: On-Premise clubs allow for meeting, socializing, and swinging taking place all in the same location. Keep in mind if you do not feel comfortable participating in swinging activities, it is acceptable to just sit back and enjoy the atmosphere.

Off –Premise clubs are for meeting and socializing only. Swingers meet and make their own arrangements. Sexual activities between swingers take place at another location of their choosing.

8) Is weight and/or age an issue in swinging?

Answer: Yes, it all comes down to personal choices and attractability. There are all types of body sizes (from the very petite to BBW) and all ages (from 18 to 80) in the lifestyle. We as swingers cannot fault or look down on other swingers for their personal choices and who they find attractive. For example, swingers in their 20’s might not find swingers in their 50’s attractive, for the couple in their 50’s are twice their age.

If someone respectfully turns you down due to your age/weight, don’t let this get you down. Just remember there are just as many swingers, if not more, that will think you are a perfect match for them.


9) What is the best way to tell someone that you just want to be friends, and you are not interested sexually, or that you are not interested in them at all?

Answer: Honesty is the best policy. Just be upfront with the person(s) and tell them in a polite way you are not interested. They will respect you for your honesty. It is better to be upfront about things, then to let them go too far and get out of hand.


10) Do feelings ever emerge between swingers?

Answer: Sometimes yes. This is completely natural since intimacy, on some level, has taken place. When good friendship has merged with sexual activity, feelings could come into play. Also, some people associate sex with close bonding, and this sets the stage for feelings to emerge. However, these feelings need to be put into perspective. Remember that swinging is for recreational fun and not for a relationship fix.


11) Is there ever jealousy between swingers that have previously played together?

Answer: Not often, but it does happen. This usually occurs when feelings, on some level, are present. Also, this could happen if a couple believes they are “exclusive” with you, and you are not looking to be exclusive with them; exclusive meaning they are, or think they are, your only swinging partner(s). This situation may be avoided with good communication between all involved.


12) Is swinging considered cheating?

Answer: No, as long as both spouses/partners are 100% aware of all activities that are/have taken place, and they have given their full consent to these activities.


13) What should I do if I find myself in an uncomfortable swinging situation?

Answer: The best way to handle any uncomfortable situation is to be honest about the way you are feeling. Discreetly pull your spouse/partner aside and tell them how you are feeling. If this awkwardness takes place during swinging activities, there is no harm in putting a stop to things until a comfort level can be re-established.


14) Should my partner and I have a “safe-word”?

Answer: Yes; it is a wise idea to have a safe-word. This will alert your spouse/partner concerning your comfort level.


15) Is sex expected the first time you meet?

Answer: No, sexual activities should never be expected. Even though most swingers have a hopefulness of everyone clicking, and having the possibility of an experience; nothing should ever be expected. Nevertheless, be “prepared” (condoms, toys, lube, etc.) to play if everyone agrees.


16) What if my partner and I experience some type of jealousy?

Answer: Jealousy is a natural emotion, but it is the level the jealousy is taken to that can hinder your swinging experience. Communication is the best way to keep jealousy at bay, and it is the key to a happy and healthy swinging relationship. If you or your spouse/partner finds something you enjoy, tell each other. If you or your spouse/partner finds something you honestly cannot handle, you should avoid doing that again. However, this issue does need to be talked about in great detail. This is where boundaries/rules could be helpful.

Your relationship needs to be strong and based on trust and communication. If a couple has jealousy issues before swinging, swinging will increase the jealousy by 10 fold. Therefore the swinging lifestyle may not be for you. Remember if you are having problems in your relationship, swinging will NOT help; it will only make things worse. Swinging is meant to enhance the sexual relationship of a couple; it is not intended to replace the existing/non-existing one.

If your relationship is strong and swinging is something you both want to do, then swinging will only make your relationship stronger.


17) Is discretion a common practice in swinging?

Answer: Yes; for the most part discretion is a key to participation in the swinging lifestyle. Some swingers like to keep their personal life and their play life separate. This is why some will use alias first names or handles. Also, a person must use caution as not to name drop (i.e., kiss and tell), for this is a violation of other swingers’ privacy. Another thing to keep in mind; what happens at the club/party/event, stays at the club/party/event.


18) Why are single females more accepted in the lifestyle than single males?

Answer: The main reason for this is most female swingers are bisexual, and both people, within a couple, can share in the experience of a new sexual partner. When it comes to single males, only the female half of the couple gets to experience a new sexual partner. Unless both males are BI


19) When meeting swingers for the first time, where should we meet and what should we do?

Answer: When meeting for the first time, meet on neutral ground (i.e., restaurant, club, erotic bar, etc.). This will make a more comfortable setting for all involved. It is always best to meet in a place where good conversation can happen (It is not a good idea to meet at a loud bar; this hinders the ability for conversation). Do not be afraid to open up and share things with other swingers, for this creates a friendly atmosphere. This is a good opportunity to talk about likes, dislikes, boundaries/rules, and other commonalities.

20) How do I find a swingers club in my area?

Answer: The best way is to do an Internet search, or ask other swingers. Some swinger sites have links to certain clubs, or are affiliated with a club. One of the best sites for finding clubs in your area is NASCA.